Today was a rough day, I seemed to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am learning how to not take on others issues, which is REALLY hard for me. Sometimes I have to just not read a thing or talk to anyone cause I'll find myself worrying about their challenges on top of mine.....like I don't have enough LOL I have always had the ability to feel others pain & I really care for everyone who crosses my path so it is an everyday challange to learn to let it go & pray & share what I can & know God will take care of them.
I had a really good cry today, you know one of those where the tears just fall without the sobbing that comes along with it, I usually sob when i cry. First thing first is I am really being hard on myself & feeling guilty for some things at home lately. Like: bad mom, wife, daughter, friend & it is not true at all!! I know this! I am constantly, every day overcoming what I learned as a child & trying to change patterns that are NOT ok! Which I don't want a part of but it is my life & I will use it for good :) I always thought all these things growing up were how it was & I have learned that for the most part it was ALL crap!! Things like hard discipline like; spanking, whipping, coming down hard on things I did wrong..... Other things like being on a schedule was SO important. If I didn't do something by a certain time I was punished or grounded. I never was on time then & still to this day strugle with time. To go on to more crap...let's see.... vaccinations, birthing in the hospital, going to the doctor, the food pyramid, schooling, do as ur told, I could go on about the things I have discovered as I have grown. I learned all of these things in such a short time & it is like a SYSTEM OVERLOAD!! WARNING! WARNING! LOL
It is SO hard for my husband & myself to get over the yelling & spanking aspect of how we grew up but we WILL change this!! We will not spank our children or yell at all one day, We know we can speak, reason & show feelings with them. Yes they are children...so? Even more a reason NOT to spank & yell!.... they learn from our actions, from our example. If we hit we show them it is ok to hit, if we yell & react they learn to yell & react. As soon as I heard this I knew spanking was not right, it was a matter of changing what we saw almost our whole lives. I feel very guilty about the times I have reacted at my children instead of just finding out what is going on, which works SO much better! What helps is knowing that we are changing the pattern and our children will be able to do things differently without the struggle. It will come as something natural to speak with their children and stay calm. We are on our way towards a spank free/yell free home :) Let me tell ya the naughty chair has definitley been my friend!
I have to say I am SO thankful to everyone I have come to know in such a short period of time on FB & beyond and those who have given me an abundance of knowledge. We are SO much closer to a lifestyle we are choosing instead of following mainstream BULLSHIT!! If only I could influence more mothers, fathers & families torwards gentle parenting and maybe by doing just this & sharing I will be able to change more patterns. It IS challenging for those that think it was overnight, cause it wasn't, at all! My family is important to me & so is this, that is how I know we can & will do it. I make a habit of changing things that I am spoken to about whether it be my intuition, signs, and/or God speaking to me... I listen & pay attention. Oh man do my children test me daily but I remember they are learning a new way along with us. All I have to say is PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE!!!
After I had the BIG release with hubby I felt SO much better & I was able to live the day guilt free knowing we are part of the change :) I pray, use affirmations, breathe, meditate, yoga & eat right to help me keep my mind clear so we can make this change together & keep on track. We napped, picked up a few things from the store(where I am finding myself less often cause I like my food fresh from a farmers market) and ate dinner & relaxed & enjoyed eachother while watching Premios Juventud. Speaking of the Farmers Market......the food is SO different! I have always known this but for those who don't OMG! You can taste the life in your food, it doesn't taste dead(like it lived in storage for 3 months like grocery store food) The flavor of the fruits & veggies is amazing!! It is like that one scene from Ratatoille...the flavors burst...lol
Another BIG help is nursing. Whenever my children find themselves frustrated I can offer them norishement & love without saying anything and the meltdown stops in it's tracks. I just cannot express enough to mothers what you can feel breastfeeding. You can NOT feel this feeling with a bottle, you were not meant to. If only mothers who chose not to nurse would flip it around & do it for the sake of their babies...wow the earth would definitley be on the way to change. I wish I knew what would help make the decision to nurse, If I could get inside a womens thoughts & find out why. I mean it is SO easy, free, cheap, amazing benefits, & besides that IS why we have breasts!!!!
I found myself frustrated from yesterdays ordeal as well which was a bust..... pfffft! I went to a open house for a fair I was supposed to attend in October hosted by the ADA(American Diabetes Association). When I attended the FREE hayward health fair last month hosted by somone else, the women for the ADA event offered me a booth & I was told "yes it is free". We were in contact through e-mail & being a very efficient person(I am a Virgo lol) I double checked if the booth would indeed be free & was again told "yes & please attend open house". Well what do ya know when we arrive @ open house, there are appetizers & free sample Jamba Juice's(now to find out there is sugar which I should have thought about...we were on 1 week & 1/2 of NO sugar...dammit!) so we helped ourselves to one & went into the program portion that followed the food. Then.......I speak to her after the program & IT IS NOT FREE!!!!!!!!!! & she has the nerve to ask "did they tell you it was $250.00".....& who do you mean by they? I spoke with YOU!!!! OK to say the least I was VERY perturbed lol (I can laugh about it now) & I tried to see the reason why this happened. I know everything happens for a reason but I still haven't figured it! lol That is how I kept my calm though cause HELL NO I wanted to bitch slap her! So now I won't be attending the event in October. Which I was actually more upset about because there would have been an estimated 3,000 to 5,000 people!! That many people to get the Truth about Birth out so I was devastated & my spirits were crushed. I wanted SO bad to be at another fair after the Hayward health fair which went SO well. I really changed some lives at that fair, I was hoping to do the same here. Oh well it is what it is! So I will attend the fair in August in Stockton that I was invited to & continue to look high & low for other places to spread the Birth Truth word :)
Have a great night & remember you CAN birth because birth is NOT dangerous!! ♥ to you all & will see you again soon, hopefully sooner than later! I am going to TRY to get on every night...we'll see lol
Peace, Light & Love,
Autumn
